First of all, what does it mean for God to love? Let's consider this from two angles. If God is Himself infinitely worthy, and in all of His actions seeks to exalt that which is infinitely worthy, then God must seek to exalt Himself in all of His actions. That is, if God is to regard Himself properly (that is, in accord with His value), He must regard Himself infinitely (since He is of infinite value).
Let's consider this from a second answer. If God is The Good-the source and origin and sum of all goodness in reality-God, in order to display maximal goodness in all of His actions must display Himself maximally in all of His actions. Why? Because God Himself is the highest good. Thus, God, in seeking to exalt and display the highest good, must exalt and display Himself.
So when God acts to create, God is acting to display and exalt Himself. Creation, then, is a communication of God's own perfection. So let's consider the love of God.
The Love of God
God's love therefore is His delight in His own internal fullness. This makes sense-God's love He experiences in the Trinity is His own internal delight in His own perfection. His love for the world is, as Jonathan Edwards put it, His love for "his own internal fullness diffused and communicated throughout the world". God's love is His delight in His own perfections. So God's love for the creature is God's love for His own perfection as expressed in and through that creature. Should that make the creature feel as though its a means to an end? Not at all. The creature itself exists as a communication of the worth of God. Thus, when God loves the creature, God loves Himself. When God sees the goodness of the creature, He sees the goodness of Himself, given that the creature is a small picture of Himself. His love for the creature and His love for Himself is one and the same end. So this is where the debate my brother and I had (and are having).
God's love for the elect
The Bible is clear that God predestines some to salvation before the foundation of the world (Romans 9, Romans 8:28-29, Ephesians 1, John 6:37, and many more). That is, all people are in willful rebellion before the foundation of the world. If God were to merely offer salvation, we would all reject it because of our depravity. So God, in kind mercy, chooses to regenerate the hearts of some and give them a heart that will choose Him. God then is the reason why anyone believes at all-not our freely willed choice. That means God decides who is saved and who is left in their sin. He is just to do so because salvation is an issue of grace-unmerited favor. This also entails God loves the elect in different sense than He loves the non-elect. Jesus says "no greater love is there then this: that one lays down His life for His friends." John 10:15 is clear: Jesus lays down His life for the sheep. In John 10, those are the ones that has been given to Jesus. Ephesians 1 is equally clear: in love God predestines us before the foundation of the world. He predestines us for adoptions as sons. This is a kind of love He shows the elect that He does not show the non-elect, given that His predestination of the elect is an expression of love. Does that mean God doesn't love the non-elect? Not at all.
God's love for the non-elect
The Bible is also clear that God loves the non-elect. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
(Matthew 5:43-48 ESV)
Jesus's exhortation for us to love our enemies is rooted in the fact that God loves His enemies. How does God the Father express this love? By making His sun to shine on the just and the unjust. Why is that a deep expression of love? If it's true that God is infinitely holy, then sinning against Him is infinitely grievous. Sinning against the One who is the embodiment of all goodness in reality-rejecting this God is infinitely evil. It's a rejection of all goodness in reality, since God's being sums up all good in reality. God is also a just God. Thus, God cannot let go crime go unpunished-not eternally. He cannot indefinitely extend repentance. Sin has to be judged-either on the Cross, or in hell. So for a holy God to sustain rebel sinners who trample His glory is incredible. The fact that God sustains people who curse Him, and gives them many good gifts in life is an expression of deep love for them. Our conscious experience of all good things in life is granted to us by God. God also has no delight in the death of the wicked (Ezekiel 18:32), and there is a sense in which God desires all to come to repentance. However, God's greater desire is for His glory, and thus God decrees history to that end.
Does God hate sinners?
For you are not a God who delights in wickedness;
evil may not dwell with you.
The boastful shall not stand before your eyes;
you hate all evildoers.
You destroy those who speak lies;
the LORD abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.
(Psalm 5:4-6 ESV)
Yup. Is God's hatred the opposite of His love? No (though man's hatred may sometimes be). God's hatred is His intense disdain and opposition towards all that is evil. Outside of Christ, that includes all of humanity (outside of Christ is key). Evil isn't something outside of us-it has become a part of who we are. It is true God has nothing but hatred for sin, and has love for the sinner. It is also true that God hates sinners-which is expressed in His holy wrath against sinners (not just the sin!).
Concluding thoughts
So God loves the elect in a different sense than the non-elect. God's hatred is removed in Christ, since Jesus absorbs the wrath of God. That means God's hatred for the elect is completely removed. However, for the non-elect, "the wrath of God abides on them." Nevertheless, God still expresses a deep love towards them. Complex? Totally. Worth contemplating? Totally. When we understand God more clearly, we can communicate who He is to the world better.
This part of the discussion is setting me up for a question I'm not decided on yet. I will post some reflections on own wrestling with the question tomorrow. And here's the question: does God love those in hell? I don't think the answer is at all simple. In fact, I'm not even sure I know the answer. I know whatever the answer is, God is good, and He is King.
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